Fruit Cake Splattered In Sydney

rubbish

spare a little thought for the freaks

the ones that doesnt speak

even as the night is yelling

they utter a word of nothing

complete palaver thoughts are trudging through my head

if i have a nickel every time i think like these

i could buy back the universe

if only i can buy anything

and i dont just mean the materials

what about the intangibles?

the ones that you can't see nor touch

the ones you know its real because you felt it.

Can i buy those too?

Then i purchase one of that and you.

Or i'll buy the future,

forward 5 years into it

and see where i will be,

who i have become,

and who is standing next to me on the cover of my wedding album.

Should i stay

or should i leave?

A big question mark left hanging.

No funny business now, Jess.

Haven't had any since a long long time ago.

Doesn't wanna do it no more.

Good fun whilst it last,

but she's gotta grow.

Henceforth i bid a farewell to them boys,

no longer will i prowl the streets at night.

He who waits for me now will wait no more,

i have extended my hands with fingers outstretched,

I've made up my mind

la vie, c'est comme ça.

life, it's like that.

I sat on my balcony,

watching the world go by.

I close my eyes,

and i could hear the secrets the wind whispered.

I sang softly,

wishing the stars could hear.

It twinkles faintly amidst the darken cloud.

Telling me things aren't always shining bright,

though if we wait patiently,

It will peak through the sadden sky.

Silver lining, i see thee,

forever encumbered beneath the misty grey.

Reveal soon you shall,

for i have too many lonesome stormy days.

51 days of despondency

49 more of unravelling.

Once 100 is up,

I would make up my mind of forbearance.

T'was a time i love and smile,

now i could only sit and mull.

I thank thee for the memories i hold true

But i won't forget the bitter beer you brew.

She's... perhaps, gone.

Lost

Forgotten and Remembered.

Hush Hush

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you is strong enough you should have known

I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never ask for help, I take care of myself
I don't why you think you got a hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So look at me and listen to me because

Chorus:

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush, there is no other way
I get the final say because
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush, I've already spoken
Our love is broken, baby, hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurts
I never needed you to be there everyday

I'm sorry for the way I let go
From everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten, broken not defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong

And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So you will listen when I say, baby

Chorus:

No more words, no more lies
No more crying
No more pain, no more hurt
No more trying because

- Pussycat Dolls

*

*

I look back, and i saw how lost i was.

I've forgotten who i am when i'm with you.

I've forgotten my roots and my passions.

You have pull down this veil, setting a crossing river between me and my dreams.

Now i'm walking alone,

i can see clearly now.

I let music ensconce my life.

I sing,

I dine,

I kick back and chill with my Jazz.

Things i was unable to do with you.

Whose Day Just Got Suckier?

Let's see, woke at 7am in the morning after a crazy night for a stopover in Sydney.

Rushed to the airport semi-asleep, only to realize they forbade me to fly out to New Zealand because i did not show them my return ticket, and apparently, that's against the immigration rules. (WTF?!)

So the next flight out by Jetstar is tomorrow morning.

Alternatively, i could forgo the ticket and fly another airline today.

Pissed and scared-shite i was, i rushed to the nearest internet kiosk to look for the next available flight out to Christchurch.

7pm Virginblue.

I couldn't do the next day flight cuz i havent got anyone in Sydney, and Jason & gang are going into the country early the next day so i gotta fit my schedule with theirs.

So 7pm Virginblue later that night it is.

It was 8am then.

Gotta stay in the airport for 11 hours with nothing to do, all alone and a big bag.

After i sorted everything out, even went to look for a printer in the airport to print that darn flight itiniery, i went to the restroom, locked myself in there and started crying.

This really blows. I was frazzled and tired and lost and frightened.

After what seems like 5 days of my life gone by, i dried my tears and stumbled out of the stuffy crammed cubicle, sucked in a deep breath and tried to muster a look of courage.

I composed myself and left the rest room feeling a tad better.

Prayed to God for his little blessings and came across a Starbucks in the airport.

So i ordered myself a cuppa hot choc and a croissant, and starting typing away on my laptop so i could finish up my assignment. (yeah, holiday but i still have school commitments)

Halfway down, i spilled the hot choc EVERYWHERE.

I was frantic and in rage!

I couldn't believe my damn luck!

Hurriedly, i tried to get my laptop away from the sticky liquid that was spilling all across the table.

Things simply cannot get worse than this.

There's this saying that i strongly believe in,' When you've hit rockbottom, there's really nowhere else to go but up.'

So yeah, rockbottom, cannot get any worse than this. Thing HAVE to improve from now.

We'll see...

One could only dream...yumyumyum

Notion of Possession

One of the hardest thing about break up is the lingering notion of possession.

Everyone of us holds the ugliness of greed.

Once we possessed something, we call it our own, and the idea of sharing that object is unimaginable.

Ergo, after a relationship break down, you spilt but emotionally and mentally, he or she still belongs to you, somehow. Because that's how our mind works.

We still find it hard to let go of this person and the fact that he or she no longer belongs to you.

Hence when we see him or her with someone else, it hurts in places where it shouldn't.

Short, but true.

Our Song...

Best thing about tonight's that we’re not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

Oh, But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep
And hold onto your words
‘Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a boy like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

-Secondhand Serenade, Fall For You